/// ISSUE 1 \\\

///ISSUE 1\\\ This Is My Life. Good To The Last Drop

So after an eventful couple hours of graphic arts and not getting anywhere I received the call for adventure, a text message telling me to go to wal-mart and kohls. How could I ever pass up a trip to hell.. err I mean Wal-Mart. I believe at the end of every aisle in wal-mart they should have cups of kool-aid with a dash of cyanide just in case you feel like you aren't going to make it out alive anyway. The adventure began at 12:00, coincidentally thats also when my biology class begins >_>... fuck it. My partner in crime on this adventure was none other than Adam (last name classified). We first arrived at kohls in East Peoria mission objective was to get Adam new shorts and pants.. boot cut of course (Adam's boots are made for stompin' the shit outta people) . While in kohls the enormous hole in my jeans reminded me that I need some new skinny jeans but first to get a second opinion on the jeans I had Adam try them on...

SOLD! Obviously these jeans would be damn sexy on me

On my way back to the jeans rack I noticed these...

Number 1 these fucking bro shorts look like my grandmother sewed that shit together with fuckin' quilts she found on the oregon trail. Number 2 who in their right minds would fucking buy these and if you did buy these just give up cause life is much harder than deciding if these shorts look good period.  Thoroughly pissed from even the site of the bro shorts we ventured on to wal-mart.

 

Going to wal-mart can life get any better? I submit that it cannot... atleast thats what I thought until I happened on this little $1.88 treasure.

Ozzie the Octopus: Spout Cover. Why did I make this amazing purchase you may be asking yourself and 1 you're part of the problem and 2 you would have to be a complete Neanderthal to have nothing covering your bath spout. This little guy not only protects against bumps but is the most luxurious item to have covering your bath spout.

/// END \\\ What Has This City Done To Its Population? 

FUCK.